Jun 30, 2007

I am glad to be a part of this family ..

That is what my sister and I always say. We have been through a lot in the last few years, but no matter what, each season, roadbump, trial, whatever you want to call it, God has allowed us to get closer and closer together. There are four of us, 3 daughters, one son. Christmas, Easter, weekends, whose house? Mine or yours? Can I bring you some dinner, just wanted to see you today. When is the game?Put that money in your pocket! No, I have it tonight! Just wanted to hear your voice! Have a nice day today at work.
Doesn't matter we WILL be together. When our dad went home to be with the Lord, we banned together, we my son got sick, we banned together and when my son has his surgery soon, we WILL ban together again. We laugh ALL the time. That is something I can remember from my childhood. LAUGHTER! Laughter at the big things and laughter at the small things. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my family - my immediate and my extended. People always tell me you can tell we enjoy being family and yes it is true. It is NOT that we think we are better than any other family, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, that when we need one another, we are there for each other. We call each often and see each other even more than that. It does not matter the distance .. we WILL make sure there is a connection, not only for us, but so our kids can begin to understand how important family is. When there is NO ONE else, there is God and then your family.

Thank you Lord, for Jai Jai, MeMe, Jen Jen, and Jay. Thank you for giving me these wonderful siblings and I pray that you will allow us to continue to create wonderful memories with each other and laughter for our children.

Jun 25, 2007


When I tell you our God is amazing, you better believe me.
Prayer has been going up over this matter for 4 years!

For the last month or so, my husband and I have been praying for a decision we needed to make regarding our oldest son and his brain tumor removal surgery. Bascially, we have been asking God to show us where he should have it. Two surgeons have said they would perform the surgery and we have struggled to have peace about our decision if we chose one surgeon over the other. Both we have been told are VERY good at what they do, but this is BRAIN SURGERY on our son~! We sought wise counsel from our Pastor and he told us if there was no huge difference between the two surgeons - seek counsel from an additional surgeon (one we had originally contacted, but his health prevented him from performing the surgery) and ask if he would make a recommendation. When I called his office, I was told they would be out on vacation until June 25. I sent an email to the lead surgeon, but did not expect to hear from him. Don't you know that he emailed right back! He said he could not make a recommendation either way, but I thanked him for the consideration. Yesterday my youngest was dedicated at church and here is how God unfolded his wonderment:

*This was NOT the original Sunday we requested for the dedication. We rescheduled 2 times
*We have always dedicated our children at the second service - this time it was the 1st service
*We were the ONLY family. Normally there are at least 2 families or more
*Pastor requested we provided an update on our son (we did NOT know he was gonna do this), this allowed the Holy Spirit to speak, not me
* It was all a blur, but the Holy Spirit told me to mention the surgeon we chose just this past Friday to do the surgery (Dr. Bradley Weprin)

After the prayer and as we go to our seats a very eccentric looking man says, we will be praying for your son and he will be okay .. I nod my head and say thank you make my way back to our pew. After church this man and his wife are introduced to us by a friend of ours and the man tells me that he knows the doctor very well and his wife is a pediatric cardiologist at the same hospital where my son will have the surgery. What? What did you say? I froze and then cried, cried and cried. They both said that Dr. Weprin is a great person and surgeon and that he will take care of Jordan.
Now we know who will take care of Ethan (Jehovah-Rophe), but what confirmation for our decision!

Look at God .. He chose the service we would dedicate our son in, He made is so we would have to change the dates for the dedication, He allowed this couple to "visit" OCBF this particular Sunday, God orchestrated that no other couple would dedicate their children at the first service, thus allowing Pastor to ask for an update on our son, God did not want a "rehersed" speech from me, thus allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through me, God made it so, this couple would know (from almost 15 years ago or more) our friends and allowing an introduction AFTER the service. Go GOD!

And if that wasn't enough .... a young man came up to us AFTER service and said he wanted to pray with me and my son, because he had also gone through this same battle 20 years ago and he was fine now and doing well. Can you believe that?

Our God is an AWESOME God, He reigns from heaven above with wisdom, power and love, our God is an AWESOME God!

Jun 23, 2007

Have you seen this? Our God is AMAZING ...

This is THE most AMAZING video/slide show I have EVER seen. God blessed the photographer and the couple I don't even know .. but through this video, one can't help but feel excitement for them!
This ain't (YES, I said AIN'T) just about an engagement, BUT about the gifts and thoughts God grants in our lives and how beautiful His love is and can be demonstrated. (I have heard this site has had over 11 million hits)

knight blog
new engagement slide show
look for June 15th entry



Things are better ...

After the last blog I wasn't sure when I would write again ... weeping may endure for a night, BUT joy cometh in the morning. Some days have passed and yes, I have smiled again! We have had a great weekend so far and we are dedicating our youngest son tomorrow at church. Giving him back to the Lord, cause the boys of mine aren't mine at all anyway. I am a STEWARD of these children and God loves them way more than I do.

God is all around and He is holding me day by day ..

Jun 19, 2007

I don't want to do this ..

I have been down all day. I have done things around the house, made some phone calls, played with my boys, read my emails, looked at some photos .. all in an attempt to NOT think about my oldest and what lies ahead. I don't care how you slice it, how you say it .. how much I want to believe how spiritual I am, I don't know what to do and I do NOT want to go through these days ahead. My oldest will have surgery on his brain in 3 weeks. He has a tumor and the doctors (ALL 50 million of them) have said it is time to try to take it out. Initially the tumor was being obedient and not growing and the seizures my son was having STOPPED! BUT THEN, the tumor decided to grow and grow and now we have to FACE this giant in our lives. I am not going to tell you that I wish it was me, because I don't .... I wish it wasn't anybody who has to go through this.
They tell us that my son will be different .. what does that mean? I don't know. They tell us that he will have complications after the surgery .. what does that mean? I don't know. They say he will lose some memory .. what does that mean? I don't know. All I know is that I have only 1 person to trust and that is God. People keep telling me and my husband we are so brave, we are so brave .. well .. I really do not know how to respond to that .. we have NO OTHER choice, but to let God do His work in our son and through these doctors.
I know there is something to learn from all of this, but right now I have not a clue. All I know, is that I do not want to go through this now or ever.
All I want to do is GET UP and live life for my son and with my son. I know it could be sooo much worse right now, so I don't want to have this pity party forever, but I had to write down how I felt RIGHT NOW ... so I can go back and remember when this piece of the journey is over .. where God brought me from ..

Jun 13, 2007

Oh Lord, all three boys are talking now ...

Yeah!! Baba, our youngest started talking clearly today .. he said DaDa! What a joy .. my oldest, "Pooh" heard him on the monitor after waking from his nap saying .. "daaaadaaaa, daaadaaa". What a sound to hear .. it does not seem like 7 months has gone by and he is doing so much so soon .. no doubt trying to keep up with his brothers ...

Jun 10, 2007

Taking things for granted .. again!

Today was a strange day ... my best friend, my husband got very ill today and I had to take him to the hospital. This is a man who is never sick and when he has a headache, can sleep for a few hours and be just fine. TODAY was not that day .. he got up and left church because he said he thought he might pass out .. after he didn't come back for 15 minutes, I got up and left to find him. My husband, NEVER misses church. He said he needed to walk around, because sitting down was making him sicker ... so we walked around the church, upstairs, downstairs and upstairs and down again, then finally I caught up w/ our media folks to get some medical attention. By the time they got to him, he said he was fine, but we now know that was not the case. What scared me the most today, was .. while we are at church still walking and walking .. he said .. "honey, if anything happens to me, you know I love you and the boys" .. WHAT, what are you talking about? Do you feel that bad? What is going on? Our lives flashed before me .. (sounds dramatic, but it is true) and I started imagining life w/o my life partner .. no way, no way .. I shook it off and said, let's get you some help. While we drove to the many places we went today, before he could be seen by a doctor .. I kept thinking .. what is going on? My MAN is never sick .. I can't believe he feels this bad ..


We have been together for 12 years and each year gets better and better and I could not love him more .. we have a LOT on our plates right now, but thank you Lord that we have made it through with our marriage in tact.

He is feeling better now, although not at his best, but Monday, we will get back in the car, hopefully see the regular doctors and they can pinpoint what is going on and things can get back to normal.

Jun 4, 2007

Did someone say breastfeed?

I know I heard someone say "breastfeeding is best" a million times before I had my children, but I NEVER heard anyone say, sweetie GET READY, this ain't no joke!! Get ready for sore this, sore that, put lanolin cream on the grocery list, oh yeah nursing pads (HA!) .. can you say 2 gallons each side? What nursing pad is gonna hold all that? No one said, sweetie you will need to practice, practice WITH the baby, because despite all the Baby Story episodes, IT AIN'T THAT EASY for everyone!

Now I breastfed and am still nursing the youngest for positive health reasons and because it was one of God's gift to this new one income family. Can you say FREE milk and I just heard on the 10:00 news that all dairy is going up 100% by this fall. Milk could be 5.00 a gallon. I just wish that someone had told me what to REALLY expect. Wet shirt, wet face (crying) disappointment, no latching on and formula that never looked good before .. bring it on! But you will survive and especially now that this nursing momma ain't gonna hold back no more ..

Jun 1, 2007

Milestones ...

My middle son is 2 years old and talking up a storm. I love when he prays at night and you can only make out 1 or 2 words, but he is SERIOUS and then he says AhMan! This week he was full of new words I had not heard him say ... and I had to jog them down ...

1) Pchips (wipe my face, he got me good)
2) Highchaw
3) Seet down Elmo
4) Hug, mum, hug and if I don't respond MUMMY! MUMMY! HuuuuG!
5) Cackers (Crackers)
6) Mo, please
7) Haahnd (hand)
8) Cwoes (long o), Clothes
9) Sherrt
10) Pay (Pray or play) depending on what he is pointing to and what time of day it is ..
11) Gaapes (Grapes)
12) Bees and Rice (Beans and rice)
13) When he sees our Pastor anywhere, picture or in person (JESUS!)
14) Ahman (AMEN)
15) Shot (He wants to play basketball outside)

The youngest (6 1/2 months) on the other hand is squealing and yelling (just discovered his voice) and now scooting out of my lap (yes, I said scoot) to get down on the floor w/ his babbas. When I finally give in .. he gets up on his hands and hind legs and rocks and rocks ... This is something docs said we might now see 'cause brother is just plain PHAT! Yeah Booba!

And of course my oldest (10) ... is still my baby .. is growing in God, asking more thought prevoking questions, teaching his younger brothers what Dad and Mom have instructed for this household ... and is almost tall as me!

Thank you Lord for growing these kids .. what a wonder .. seeing you in them each step of the way ..