Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I am down ...

but today, I am all over the map.

After telling Ethan's story and reliving the past 4 1/2 years, I was on a major high. Seeing what God had done in Ethan's life gave me new reasons to move past this season of our lives. NOT FORGET, just move past and begin to enjoy life again. Get back into a normal routine. Sign Ethan up for basketball, golf, or soccer. Plan a real vacation without having to worry about MRIs, seizures, too much sunlight. Find Ethan a regular school, go shopping for Ethan's 6th grade school supplies and new clothes. BUT .....

Satan has been trying to get in my head and in the name of JESUS I am going to shake the devil off.

Satan keeps reminding me that the doctors did not get all of the tumor out, there are still fragments left and that is why Ethan will have to have MRIs every 3 months for another year and a half. Satan keeps reminding me that the seizures Ethan had for sooo long took away some of his memory and learning abilities. He is no longer the child he was before this all began.

Satan keeps reminding me that Ethan was an "A" honor roll student and now he struggles through things he used to do so well and quick. Simple things. Everyday things. Satan keeps saying the meds Ethan takes will effect him long term. How could we possibly let Ethan take such strong medicines?

For the past two weeks, I have been introduced to several children who have tumors, have seizures, or have cancer and they were doing well at one time and now are not. Satan keeps saying .. see your God did NOT do what he said he would do.

Satan keeps saying, "Jai, one day the shoe IS going to drop and you better enjoy life now while you can .. I've got something waiting for you and your family." hehehe

Ethan NEEDS a lot right now. Medicine, a new school, dental work from all these meds. I want to continue to be home with my children, available to Ethan, available to my family and be able to do what we NEED to do without having to even think about it. JUST WRITE THE CHECK!

I AM so vulnerable ... But the pity party ends right NOW!

Just two words ..... BUT GOD!

Philippians 4:19 says .. "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" - He WILL supply

Psalm 30: 5 "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning" - I will NOT let Satan take my joy!

Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." - All I gotta do is PRAY and TRUST GOD!

Exodus 15:25-26 "So he cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a tree. When he threw it into the water, the water became drinkable. He made a statute and ordinance for them at Marah and He tested them there. 26 He said, "If you will carefully obey the LORD your God, do what is right in His eyes, pay attention to His commands, and keep all His statutes, I will not inflict any illness on you I inflicted on the Egyptians. For I am the LORD who heals you." - God DOES HEAL and did heal Ethan!

I will continue to celebrate for what God did, staying on my knees, laying prostrate and "eating rug" if I have to, and standing on God's word, hiding it in my heart and head. I will NOT lean to my own understanding. Proverbs 3: 5,6

Get thee behind me Satan .. you have NO PLACE here!

I will continue to stayed prayed up for me and my family as well as for others who have it worse than we do. I will admit I have loved having the privilege to pray for others. God only knows how many times we have been prayed for. (I know Satan does not like that)

I have come to realize ... It is NOT about me at all, it is ALL about my Lord!