Remembering Denham ...

God has blessed me and my husband with 4 beautiful children. We share our lives with our 3 boys, because our daughter Denham was born and died on the same day. Oh how I wanted a daughter .. and God gave me a beautiful one, but I didn't know I would only have an hour with
her before I had to say goodbye.
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Words cannot express the shock, dismay, hurt, anger, confusion, emptiness I felt for so many months after she went to live with Jesus. Even now 4 years later, I don't cry as much, but she IS just as much a part of my family as Ethan, Austin and DeClan. We have all her things she wore in the hospital, we have pictures, we have her announcements, we have her footprints and we have sweet, sweet memories.
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Before Ethan's tumor surgery, he thought about her often. He was only 6 when she died and started having seizures the next month, so I didn't think her life had an effect on him, but it has. Since the surgery (when we had been told he would lose some memory) he asks about her often and draws pictures of her and asks Jesus why is my sister living with you?
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Why are you blogging about Denham today Jai you may ask? I read about the Farley family yesterday and I felt as if I was reading my own words and it brought ALL those feelings back and I wanted you to know that if you EVER know anyone who has experienced the loss of child, IT AIN'T EASY and please be patient with them. I wasn't blogging in 2003, but Boothe's words in 2007 are just as much my very own. The situation around our daughter's deaths are different, but death is death and hurt is hurt.
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People don't always know what to say and my words, her words, just provides a little light into this world of infant loss and a new way for you to pray for anyone that God allows to cross your path in this season.
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4 years after losing my precious Denham God is STILL on the throne and IN control. He knew then and He knows now. Thank you Jesus for loving me, holding me, picking me up to go on for the boy I had then and the boys I would after Denham. Kiss her for me Lord.